Guest Post: Autism In Women

I've got another guest post for you this week. This time it's by Vicky of Actually Aspling who is a brilliant and very active autism advocate, a fellow northerner, and has a Vaporeon tattoo on her arm which I love! You'll find her own blog here, and she's ActuallyAspling on both Twitter and Instagram. I realised that one of the biggest areas I haven't discussed yet is autism in women so I asked Vicky to write a piece on it for me since I'm not really qualified to talk about it properly due to being a man. So here we go with Vicky's thoughts:

I honestly can’t remember much from my childhood, only what I’ve been told from my parents, things are quite blurry in that sense. From what I know I was quite passive as a small child, and didn’t have many friends, and to be honest that hasn’t changed much.

I’d say being a girl definitely heightened my experiences in some ways, and for that reason I went undiagnosed for many years. Our understanding of Autistic women and girls is ever-growing, its evolving, and we are learning every day, but sadly it came too late for me.
High school for me was a nightmare, everything went wrong, and I stood out for all the wrong reasons. You could say I was a typical Autie girl. I clung to all my friends, I copied their behaviours, hoping I could survive the school day. It didn’t work. As a result, I camouflaged even more, changed my interests and created a whole new persona, something which many young Autistic girls feel they have to do to pass as Neurotypical. The issue is, we shouldn’t be pressuring Autistic individuals to do so, we should be teaching them, giving them the skills to be themselves, and allowing them to unmask.

Honestly, I think one of the reasons I was undiagnosed for so long is because of this mask, I had created a person who could fit in, who could pass as neurotypical, I appeared ‘normal’ or ‘high functioning’ to some. But the thing is, every Autistic woman is different, just like every Autistic person is diverse, its not one size fits all. I also think the understanding of trait presentation was lacking, especially in medical services.

I remember the first time I went to my doctor, I told her I think I could be Autistic, and I could tell by her face that she didn’t believe me already. So, what did she do? She printed off a biased, probably outdated questionnaire from her computer and proceeded to ask me a set of questions. One of which is ‘do you have friends?’ to which I said yes, and that I did like to go out with said friends. And of course, that meant I couldn’t possibly be Autistic, because we all know Autistic people cannot possibly have friends. I came across as quite social, again like the typical autie woman.

Eventually I sought a different opinion, and I was referred straight away for an assessment. This was fantastic, the only downside? My assessment was completed using the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS), an outdated tool which lacks empirical sensitivity, it is biased and its methods do not reflect traits which are often displayed in women and girls. It’s a tool which follows stereotypical ‘male’ traits. However, I eventually did receive a diagnosis, after years of camouflaging and comments that ‘women can’t have autism’.

So many young girls are going both undiagnosed and misdiagnosed due to outdated tools, a lack of sensitivity and an absence of knowledge. Its about time that things change, we need a new perspective on Autism, but hey, I’m working on it!

[Image description: Vicky sat in her garden cross-legged holding a blue mug with both hands. She has short-ish light brown hair and is wearing a blue t-shirt, blue Christmassy trousers and white socks.]

Well Known Autistics

It's a common misconception that autism is an epidemic that's affecting more and more people as time goes on, not unlike the real pandemic that the world is in the middle of at time of writing. The truth is far from it, and autism has always been around throughout human history because it's just a natural form of diversity. People often thing of diversity as physical things like skin colour, gender and so on, but there are mental forms of diversity as well, which is the basis of the neurodiversity movement encompassing autism, ADHD, dyslexia and so many more conditions.

With that in mind, there are of course figures throughout history who were autistic even before autism was discovered or thought of as a thing. I believe that a significant number of them made some form of significant contribution such as Einstein, Darwin, and who knows how many more. I wanted to look at some of the more well known people of recent times to show what exactly we autistics are capable of in a wide variety of fields, and to help bust the myth that autism is nothing but a disability. So let's get started with undoubtedly the most influential autistic to my own life:

1. Satoshi Tajiri
For those who don't know, Satoshi Tajiri is a video game designer/director and the genius responsible for my first recognised special interest, Pokémon! It all started with his special interest in collecting bugs and how collectors would capture them in a similar way that Pokémon trainers capture Pokémon. When Nintendo's Game Boy was initially released Tajiri imagined bugs crawling backward and forward through the game link cables from one Game Boy to the next, pioneering the idea of trading between players and working together instead of just playing against each other.

2. Dan Aykroyd
The star and creator of Ghostbusters took inspiration from his fascination with parapsychology and the paranormal to create what was apparently a fantasy epic before it was toned down on the fantasy elements and became the Ghostbusters that we all know and love today. He originally wrote the role of Peter Venkman for his close personal friend John Belushi to portray, but following Belushi's death he re-wrote it for fellow autistic Bill Murray instead.

3. Tim Burton
Tim Burton has never been diagnosed as autistic, but he strongly identifies as such which makes him self-diagnosed. He's known for his heavily gothic and weird influences in his films such as Edward Scissorhands, Alice In Wonderland (2010) and of course Beetlejuice, the cartoon of which I loved as a kid. And without Beetlejuice giving Winona Ryder her breakthrough role in 1988 she might not have gone on to star in a more recent favourite of mine in Stranger Things. While I can't say I'm a huge Burton fan myself, I'm certainly grateful for Bettlejuice.

4. Susan Boyle
From what I can remember hearing at the time, the news stories painted Susan Boyle as a bit of a laughing stock in her local area when she first appeared on Britain's Got Talent in 2009. When she first stepped out on the stage there was obviously something different about her that (I would say wrongly) put the audience and the public on edge. But when she started singing in her audition she showed how brilliant she is at what she does. She came in 2nd place in her series of BGT although it's arguable that she was the real star. Ironically enough she was only beaten by Diversity. She's since gone on to release a very respectable 8 albums and winning numerous awards.

5. Hannah Gadsby
Hannah Gadsby is one that I've only recently heard of within the last year or 2 when I saw her Netflix special Nanette. The show was actually written shortly following her diagnosis of both ADHD and autism, and was also written as a response to Australia's attitude at the time on same-sex marriage. The show has been described as ground-breaking and I'm sure her work will continue to break down barriers for the rest of her career.

6. Lewis Carroll
I've seen many autistics online theorise that not only is Lewis Carroll autistic, but also that his greatest creation Alice's Adventures In Wonderland is based on his own efforts to understand the neurotypical world as an autistic person. There is a darker side to this one though because it's been debated whether Carroll's preference for the company of children over adults comes from his difficulty in communication (it's often the case that autistic children prefer the company of adults, so it makes sense to me that the opposite could also be true), or whether there's a more sinister motive behind it. It's worth me also making clear that to my knowledge there is no further evidence of whether he was or wasn't a paedophile, and that I'm only explaining that it has been debated.

7. Anthony Hopkins
The man best known for his portrayal of Hannibal Lecter has led a troubled life, which has only in recent years been explained in part by a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. There are lots of other factors to his troubled life such as family issues, bullying, addiction and so on, but his autism is likely as much of a contributor as anything else, especially for a person of his generation.

There are countless more autistics scattered all over the world and all over history, but these are just a few of the ones you're likely to be familiar with and how they've contributed to modern society. For more autism content please click Subscribe at the top of the page and follow me on social media. I'm @DepictDave on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.

[Image description: A black 5-point star with a gold border on a white background. Under the start is the word "Autism" in rainbow colours, and under that is the post's title "Well Known Autistics" in black.]

Anxiety

If you're a regular reader, or if you've read some of my older posts, chances are you'll know that alexithymia is one of the autism-related conditions I've got, which basically means I have difficulty expressing my own emotions in words, and sometimes even understanding them at all. So with that in mind it's hardly surprising that I'm only now starting to realise that I suffer more with anxiety than I ever thought I did. It's funny how things like this can be there and affect you without you even realising it. I can only remember a couple of times where I've noticed the classic symptoms of anxiety such as nausea, sweating palms and so on.

I've never been the most confident of people but I think there's much more to it than that. I'm always doubting myself, wondering if I'm doing the right thing, wonder if I/what I'm doing is good enough etc. For example, most of the time when I hit the Publish button on a new post I immediately wonder to myself if I've just written a load of crap. Someone on Twitter a while ago once said something that resonated with me quite a bit. They said that perfectionism isn't good because it's often driven by anxiety. I consider myself a perfectionist and I never thought of it like that before. One of my old jobs was preparing route packs for a distribution company and my my supervisor once praised me on how immaculate they are, but said I'm making them too perfect and spending too much time on it when I should be getting each one done as quickly as possible. This is most likely driven by anxiety that I want to do the best job I can because I don't want to get in trouble so I make it as perfect as I can, but that takes more time than they like. I ended up being made redundant from that job but my perfectionism isn't something I've ever been able to change. I'm very rigid in that sense, which is a classic autism trait. When I do something I has to be perfect, and more importantly it has to be right.

As far as I can remember I've always been one to look quite negatively on myself as well as things that could happen. If there's something that I can see a potential negative outcome for I usually spend a lot of time thinking "what if" although I like to think I'm also good at balancing out the positives and negatives and looking at the probability of each outcome. Whenever I get a notification for something on my phone, if the notification shows the first few words of the message I usually have a feeling of dread as though someone is definitely going to have a go at me, or give me some bad news or something. Somehow that doesn't tend to happen if it doesn't show the start of the message in the notification, and of course my feeling of dread is always wrong. There was one time recently where I'd done something wrong that annoyed my wife, and I spent a while thinking I'm a moron and what if she hates me and all those kind of things. This is when the logical thinking kicks in - sometimes on its own, sometimes deliberately. I start thinking that she's human and that she's an emotional and anxious person herself, and she'll calm down eventually, and whatever I did definitely doesn't warrant a divorce. I know she reads my blog so I just want to quickly clarify that I've never thought she was going to divorce me, but just using that as a worst case scenario that I can rule out to reassure myself.

When I first asked my GP back in 2017 to refer me for a second opinion on an autism diagnosis she refused and gave me the details for a self-referral mental health service that I then contacted, and they concluded that I had social anxiety. While I don't deny that I'm very socially anxious the help they gave me was a waste of time mainly because autism still wasn't addressed as the underlying cause of it. You may be wondering what difference it makes as autism isn't something to be treated or cured, but to a certain extent a diagnosis of autism can make a world of difference because it can be very validating and gives a much simpler way of explaining how you are to other people: "I'm autistic." Not that it solves anxiety - social or otherwise - but it certainly helps in my experience. They booked me in for CBT therapy and after a couple of months I realised it wasn't working and stopped. Shortly after that I went back and saw a different GP who then gave me the referral that lead to my diagnosis.

At the moment I'm fine with my anxieties because they don't cause much of an issue, but who knows - after lockdown is over my situation will most likely change so I may need to revisit CBT or a similar therapy depending on how things go. At the time of writing my employer are expecting me and the rest of my home working team to return to the office after lockdown (I've worked from home for a couple of years and we were supposed to return to the office in early April until the pandemic happend). At lot of people have come and gone in the office since I started working from home, so it'll be like going into a completely new environment when we eventually do go back. With that said, my son will be starting school in September which might give me more downtime to decompress and process things, so we'll have to see how it goes.

So there you have it. It's definitely possible to have anxiety without realising it, and I think it's safe to say that goes for almost any mental health issue as well. I'm still unpacking my anxieties bit by bit, but I hope what I've unpacked so far has been insightful and interesting. Please click Subscribe at the top of the page and follow me on social media. I'm @DepictDave on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.

[Image description: Silhouette of a person on a chair, hunched over slightly holding their head. There are bubbles showing thoughts entering their head including "Don't," "Can't," and "What if..." Under the silhouette is the word "Autism" in rainbow colours and "Anxiety" in black under that.]

Autistic AF Lists: The Gruffalo

There are a couple of posts that I've made on Instagram that list things I looked into, probably beyond the limit of what a neurotypical person would do. Because I tagged them both with #AutisticAF (and just because I like the hashtag) I'm going with the title of Autistic AF Lists for this mini series that I'm starting here. Listing things and gathering information like this is probably one of the more stereotypical autism traits, but when it's something I find interesting I end up hyperfocusing. I find hidden links, references and easter eggs fascinating, so these are basically going to be patterns, trends or other curiosities that I've noticed in things and that I've been curious enough to look into further. This first part will look at where references to the Gruffalo pop up in the rest of Julia Donaldson/Axel Scheffler's series of children's books.

First of all, I'll quickly explain that there are no Gruffalo references in A Squash & A Squeeze because that's the only one of their books that came out before The Gruffalo, and also that I (my kids) don't have all of their books but we've got a fair few of them so we're going by the references that we've noticed from those ones. These are usually quite subtle so not always noticeable unless you go looking for them, but let me save you the time!

Tabby McTat
A child asleep in a push chair when Tabby McTat goes looking for Fred is holding a Gruffalo teddy.

[Image description: The titular tabby cat Tabby McTat looking up at a street magician's performance. Next to Tabby is a sleeping child in a red push chair holding a Gruffalo teddy which is sat upright and looking out to the front.]

The Scarcrows' Wedding
When Reginald Rake is built to replace Harry he tries to take Betty on a tractor ride. That tractor is a "Gruff-tor" branded one with a Gruffalo face logo.

[Image description: The blue tractor that Reginald Rake drives. On the side of the tractor is a short, grey stripe with a Gruffalo head on the end, and "GRUFF-TOR" written in capitals across the stripe.]

Stick Man
When Stick man rescues Santa from being stuck in the chimney there's a Christmas tree in the background with a Gruffalo face Christmas bauble. I think it's also worth noting that Stick Man as a whole is technically a Gruffalo reference because the titular character was inspired by Axel Scheffler's drawing of the Gruffalo's Child holding a stick figure in The Gruffalo's Child.

[Image description: The top image is a close-up of the green Christmas tree from Stick Man showing the Gruffalo's face as a decorative bauble. The bottom image is from The Gruffalo's Child, showing the Gruffalo's titular offspring looking confused while holding a stick figure very similar in shape to Stick Man.]

Zog
When Sir Gadabout The Great arrives to rescue Princess Pearl from the dragons you can see that his steed's saddle has a Gruffalo emblem on the side. It makes you wonder whether Gadabout had plans to/previously tried to slay the Gruffalo?

(We've actually lost our copy of Zog so can't take a picture for this one.)

Zog & The Flying Doctors
In Zog's sequel, Pearl's uncle (the king) is stricken down with orange fever. While she is tending to his bedside you can see that the Gruffalo's face is carved into the top part of his bed frame, similarly to the side of Gadabout's saddle.

[Image description: A close-up of the king's bed showing the Gruffalo's face carved into the top beam with plants framing it on either side.]

Superworm

When the bugs rescue Superworm by throwing Wizard Lizard in the rubbish dump you might notice that there's a teddy in the rubbish pile as well with its back turned, but its horns as well as its terrible claws and its purple prickles all over its back make it obvious that this is a Gruffalo teddy that's been cruelly discarded. Possibly by the same boy in the push chair? After all, Superworm was released 3 years after Tabby McTat.

[Image description: The Gruffalo teddy seen from the back in the rubbish dump. His top half and one arm is poking out of a cardboard box and he's surrounded by various other pieces of rubbish such as tins and what looks like a sugar bag.]

Tiddler: The Story Telling Fish

When Tiddler gets lost and is trying to find his way back home (very Finding Nemo-esque) he gets chased by a Gruffalo fish. I like this one because it's one of the more obvious crossovers and puts over the Gruffalo's fierceness from the original story, whereas all the other references so far have depicted him as a cuddly teddy or a status symbol in the form of an emblem.

[Image description: Tiddler is swimming in circles around a small pile of rocks with coral on the top. He is being chased by a Gruiffalo fish who has the Gruffalo's terrible tusks, his terrible teeth in his terrible jaws, his poisonous wart on the end of his nose, his orange eyes and purple prickles all over his back. The fish's body seems to be furry and brown just like the actual Gruffalo.]

The Highway Rat

At the end of the story when the Highway Rat ends up working in a cake shop it shows a couple of biscuits on the counter in the shape of the Gruffalo's face, and also a young wolf eating another one of them while his mum talks to the shop owner, who is ironically a sheep.

[Image description: Two Gruffalo biscuits on a plate on a wooden counter in front of a yellow till. There is what looks like a birthday cake on one side of the biscuits, and some sort of strawberry cake on the other.]

The only other story that we've got is Room On The Broom, but there doesn't seem to be any Gruffalo references in that and I don't understand why. If anyone's got an explanation or any other examples of Gruffalo references please let me know in the comments or on social media. On that note, please click Subscribe at the top of the page and follow me on social media. I'm @DepictDave on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.

Explaining The Spectrum

The autism spectrum is something that's not well understood outside of the autistic community. It's confusing to the general public for 2 reasons that I want to explore here. First, the phrase "on the spectrum" which is used in an attempt to say "[x person] is autistic" in a politically correct way. The other thing is the way the spectrum itself works.

Addressing the first point, I want to make it clear that although people usually use "on the spectrum" with the best of intentions, autism isn't a dirty word. Nor is being autistic a bad thing. Autistic and autism are perfectly acceptable words to use to describe somebody who genuinely is autistic. Similarly, I wanted to give my point of view on when people say "We're all a bit autistic" or "We're all on the spectrum." These two statements at first glance appear to mean the same thing, but they really don't. The way I see it, everybody is somewhere on the spectrum, such is the nature of diversity. But with that said, it doesn't mean everybody is autistic - whether that's supposedly a little bit or a lot. Neurotypicality (I hope that's the right word!) in relation to the autism spectrum just means that the person's traits sit within the "normal" range and that they have a round profile (more on that later). It doesn't mean that their traits are nowhere to be seen on the spectrum. A lot of people may have a couple of traits commonly associated with autism such as a lack of social skills, or sensory issues, but what makes somebody autistic is their different brain structure causing a high number of these traits and a high intensity of them. So if somebody says to me that we're all on the spectrum I don't have an issue with that - in fact I completely agree. But if someone tells me that we're all a little bit autistic, that's not true. You're either autistic or you're not, there's no "little bit autistic" or "very autistic" and just having a couple of quirks doesn't mean you're autistic.

Moving onto the spectrum itself, a lot of people think that the spectrum is linear (a straight line from one extreme to the other). I know I did when I first realised the possibility that I might be autistic. In actual fact the spectrum is best represented visually as a circular graph. When you plot a person's traits on the graph you'll usually find that autistic people's traits make the graph spiky which represents their heighten skills, their deficits, their heightened/lowered senses, and any number of other factors that often vary wildly. Whereas neurotypicals will tend to show a more consistent and rounded graph as their traits and abilities are a lot more rounded. To demonstrate what I mean, below are screen shots of the results from an autism quiz that me and my wife both took a few years ago just to compare. The first one is mine, the second one is my wife's. You can see that hers is much more rounded and balanced whereas mine is more spiky showing my atypical tendencies.

[Image description: There are 2 images here. The first one is a graph showing my results of the quiz and shows that I have a spiky profile which I've always thought looks like a whale's tail. The second picture is the same graph but showing my wife's results instead. Hers is more round and consistent than mine.]

Although this test is in no way diagnostic, the graph that it gives of the results is very useful for explaining the spectrum and showing how spiky a neurodiverse profile is compared to a neurotypical one. While I admittedly don't know too much about other neurodiversities such as ADHD, dyslexia and so on, I think that their profiles would most likely be similarly spiky in comparison to neurotypical ones. Hopefully these graphs also help explain how although we're not all autistic we are all on the spectrum. I once posted on Instagram to demonstrate the spectrum using PlayDoh but it didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped. Even so, feel free to search back through my Instagram to find it if you're intetrested.

I hope this has clarified something that is often confusing and busted a couple of myths in the process. Please click Subscribe at the top of the page and follow me on social media. I'm @DepictDave on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.

Racism In Autism

I had originally scheduled a post on insomnia for this week, but with everything going on with Black Lives Matter and all the protests I thought it was important to address it now, as well as how racism had manifested in autism.

Obviously there are individual autistics who are racist just like there are individuals of every kind who are racist, and just like there are good and bad people in a more general sense, but what I'll be discussing here is the racism (whether intended or not) within the autism diagnostic process.

The diagnosis of people with autism has always been heavily biased in favour of white boys and men. I think the earliest we can look back to find the root of this is to the 1930's and 40's with Leo Kanner and Hans Asperger. I explained in a previous posts about how Hans Asperger worked closely with the Nazis who were a heavily racist German political party aiming to establish the German population as a superior race by eradicating others, famously including Jews. I remember someone saying to me years ago that their aim was to create a race of purely white skinned, blonde haired, blue eyed humans but now true that is I'm not sure.

With Asperger's heavy influence at the beginning of our understanding of autism, and the much more racially biased nature of the mid 20th century in general, it's little wonder that racism stuck around in the diagnostic system for such a long time. If I'm honest I do sometimes wonder how nowadays we're only just starting to properly understand autism, but I guess any progress is good progress, even if it's slow.

So how are people of colour affected in the modern day in terms of getting an autism diagnosis? First of all there's medical bias that could stop them from getting a diagnosis. This could mean for example that a doctor (especially an older one whose knowledge might be more outdated) may be may not refer a black person to an assessment service because they don't believe that they are - or even can be - autistic. Just to give an insight into how real medical bias is, my wife is a student midwife and highlighted this article to me which explains that women of colour are 5 times more likely to die in childbirth than white women. Obviously this is a huge difference and is clearly unacceptable.

Another factor that affects the diagnosis of people of colour is their location. One of the many things I learned from watching Netflix documentary 13th is that the "war on drugs" in the US was designed to target black people who were predominantly poor. So in relation to autism, especially in countries like the US where medical and health services are expensive, the autistic person is less likely to be able to afford assessment for a diagnosis.

The final point I want to make (although the points I'm making here are by no means exhaustive) is that other people's reactions and attitudes might be more likely to put them off seeking diagnosis. This ties in a bit with what I mentioned earlier about the attitudes from the 30's and 40's lingering for a long time. Their peers, family, colleagues and so on might have outdated views which can cause disheartening, or even worse it can cause argument and fall outs with the people they confide in.

All of these issues that I've discussed are reasons that we need to educate and inform the whole of society, which is absolutely what I aim to do with this blog, as do lots and lots of other autistic advocates through their blogs, YouTube videos, social media accounts, books etc. I feel like now more than ever education is needed around how autism presents and affects all races, genders, ages... everyone! As a final note I think it's important to share some links to black autistic advocates' pages. The best ones I can think of are AutisticTyla and Aspienelle. These links are to their Instagram accounts. Let me know about any more black autism advocates in the comments or on social media!

I really, really hope I've helped with this post. I know I say that about every post, but this one in particular is such an important topic as we're essentially missing out on a whole section of the autistic populaton. Please click Subscribe at the top of the page and follow me on social media. I'm @DepictDave on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.

[Image description: The Black Lives Matter logo (a black fist raised upward) with the infinity loop in white on the wrist to symbolise that black lives really do matter whether disabled, autistic, otherwise neurodiverse, or anything. This is on a white background and underneath it is the post's title with "Racism In" in black, and "Autism" in rainbow colours.]

My Stims

I wrote a post a while ago about why I enjoy chewing. At the time that was my main stim. I do still chew my Chewigem button necklace, but my stims have evolved and changed since then. Either that or I'm just more aware of the things I do these days - maybe a bit of both. Because of that and because almost anything can be a stim I thought I'd go through a few more of the stims that I do.

Just as a reminder, stimming is short for self-stimulatory behaviour and the definition is a repetitive behaviour that appears to have no reason or purpose, although it helps autistics to regulate and ground themselves when they're overwhelmed or emotional.

Finger Stim (No idea what to actually call it!)
One of my more common stims that I've been doing for a while is running my thumb along the inside of my fingers on my right hand. I tend to do that when I'm talking to somebody as I'm often anxious during conversation. It's not usually something that I do consciously (which is the same for most of my stims) but I do notice myself doing it, and I think it's because it's quite a subtle thing to do, especially if I can put my hands in my pocket or something. I find that a lot of my stims are either subtle or "socially acceptable" which helps to avoid detection and awkward comments and so on. I also do it sometimes when I'm concentrating - in fact, I'm doing it now while I write this post. I tried to make gifs of my stims to demonstrate but I couldn't get it to work, so I'll just post a picture of each to help give you an idea. (Let me also apologise for my onesie and messy hair in the pictures. It was a busy day with the kids in self isolation, so I didn't get the chance to have a shower and get dressed until later on!)

[Image description: My hand during the above stim. In the image my fingers are held together and my thumb is reaching down to my little finger. While doing this stim I rub my thumb nail up along my fingers, past my index finger and back down again repeatedly.]

Flapping

It's only recently that I actually realised I'm a hand flapper. Turns out I've been doing it subconsciously for ages, but because the way I do it down by my side and with just 1 hand is very subtle compared to the traditional autistic hand flap it seems to have slipped under even my own radar. It wasn't until just a few days ago when I was tidying up in the kids' play room that I noticed myself doing it. Something else I learned not long ago about flapping is that there are actually different kinds of flap. Obviously there's my own subtle versions like this, and the classic flap where you hold your hands in front of you and flap them up and down with your arms. But it's also classed as flapping if you do it with just a wrist flicking motion similar to how you would shake water off your hands after washing them. It sounds obviously, but I guess it's just one of those things that you don't always register. It wasn't until I realised a flicking motion is also flapping that I realised what I do is flapping. I guess it shows what a difference subtlety can make.

[Image description: My hand down by my side while flapping.]

Leg Swaying/Jigging

This is probably the ultimate in subtle stims because even though it's often noticeable (I used to get told off for doing it by the girl I sat next to at one of my old jobs), it's something that almost everyone does at some point so it doesn't get questioned. I haven't posted a picture because all it's going to show is my leg, but while sitting with my foot on the ground I will either jig my leg up and down or sway it from side to side. I think I do both about equally. It's jigging up and down that I got told off for because we worked upstairs on quite a wobbly wooden floor.

Rocking

This is a classic autistic stim. Typically it's done when sat down and by rocking your upper body either forwards and backwards or from side to side. I also do a standing up variation, usually while I'm waiting in a queue for example, where I shift my balance from one leg to the other and back again to rock myself from side to side. Other than that, the times I've found myself rocking most were when my son was a baby and I used to do the night feeds. I was half asleep and I never used to realise I was rocking until my wife told me to stop it. It was probably just a thing my body did to try to keep me awake long enough to get through the feed until I could go back to sleep. I've also found myself rocking while sat with my kids reading stories or playing with Lego etc. Again, no point posting a picture because it's self explanatory and wouldn't show much.

Bouncing

The last one I'm going to mention is bouncing on my toes, which comes from when my kids were babies. I used to do it while holding them to bounce them to sleep or just settle them down and it's just carried on from there. I only do it at home and it's when I'm waiting for something like my tea to brew. When I'm bouncing I tend to wander around as well in bouncy steps. I try to keep some sort of rhythm to it but I think I usually fail, but it keeps me occupied.

[Image description: Me bouncing on my toes around my dining room. One foot is completely off the ground while the other has just the heel off the ground. I keep my heels in the air the whole time I'm bouncing.]

These are just a few examples. This list is by no means exhaustive for either me or autistics in general and it's always best to remember that everybody stims in one way or another. It's just that autistics usually stim differently, whether that's more noticeably, more often and so on. Don't forget to please click Subscribe at the top of the page and follow me on social media. I'm @DepictDave on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.