Social Hangover

Being diagnosed autistic later in life is weird in a way. There are some things that even now, 18 months after diagnosis, I'm still working out about myself and my past even though in reality they should have been clear signs that I'm autistic. The thing that dawned on my most recently was that whenever I went on a night out I would always feel hungover the next morning, even if I didn't drink. There was a period of about 6 months in my early 20's where I couldn't drink because of the medication I was on, and there were other times here and there where I chose not to drink for different reasons, but every non-drinking night out still left me with what felt like a hangover the next morning. Granted, a less intense hangover than if I had been drinking, but other than intensity it felt pretty much the same. I never knew what it was until it randomly occurred to me the other day.

Now that I'm armed with the knowledge that I'm autistic I've put it down to being worn out by social interactions. I would wake up feeling nauseous, which is known to be a common thing in neurodivergents. When you feel anxious or worried for example, you feel it in your stomach which is why a lot of autistics develop stomach issues or other digestive issues. Growing up autistic (especially if you don't know it) is a stressful experience so it makes a lot of sense that my stomach would be sensitive the following day. I also used to feel physically over-sensitive after a night out, which does happen when I'm tired. I don't think that's just due to staying out late because at the time I was largely struggling to find work so I slept in a lot due to having nothing to really get up for. So the tiredness must have been mostly from trying to be sociable and exhausting myself. I sometimes had a headache in the morning as well, although that wasn't as frequent as the other symptoms. They are all signs of tiredness and/or stress which makes a lot of sense if I'd been putting a lot of effort into masking.

Masking isn't something that I've ever been aware of doing, but looking back I must have masked in some way or another through my childhood and up to around my mid-20's for nobody to have realised I might be autistic. It's a common thing for autistics to not know where the mask ends and where they begin so it's not surprising that I've never knowingly done it.

It's just a quick one this week because I just wanted to share that sudden realisation that when I used to go out but didn't drink I got social hangovers. To be honest, I'm not even sure if "social hangover" is the right term for it, or if there's even a term for it at all so I'd be interested to hear what you call it in the comments or on social media. Also let me know if you get social hangovers whether it feels the same or different for you. Please hit the Follow button in the side bar and follow me on social media. I'm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and you can buy me a coffee at my Ko-Fi account here.

[Image description: Black silhouette of a human holding their head with both hands and lightning bolt-like symbols near the head to show distress. Below that is "Autism" in rainbow colours, and under that is "Social hangover" in black.] 

Guest Post: Autism In Women

I've got another guest post for you this week. This time it's by Vicky of Actually Aspling who is a brilliant and very active autism advocate, a fellow northerner, and has a Vaporeon tattoo on her arm which I love! You'll find her own blog here, and she's ActuallyAspling on both Twitter and Instagram. I realised that one of the biggest areas I haven't discussed yet is autism in women so I asked Vicky to write a piece on it for me since I'm not really qualified to talk about it properly due to being a man. So here we go with Vicky's thoughts:

I honestly can’t remember much from my childhood, only what I’ve been told from my parents, things are quite blurry in that sense. From what I know I was quite passive as a small child, and didn’t have many friends, and to be honest that hasn’t changed much.

I’d say being a girl definitely heightened my experiences in some ways, and for that reason I went undiagnosed for many years. Our understanding of Autistic women and girls is ever-growing, its evolving, and we are learning every day, but sadly it came too late for me.
High school for me was a nightmare, everything went wrong, and I stood out for all the wrong reasons. You could say I was a typical Autie girl. I clung to all my friends, I copied their behaviours, hoping I could survive the school day. It didn’t work. As a result, I camouflaged even more, changed my interests and created a whole new persona, something which many young Autistic girls feel they have to do to pass as Neurotypical. The issue is, we shouldn’t be pressuring Autistic individuals to do so, we should be teaching them, giving them the skills to be themselves, and allowing them to unmask.

Honestly, I think one of the reasons I was undiagnosed for so long is because of this mask, I had created a person who could fit in, who could pass as neurotypical, I appeared ‘normal’ or ‘high functioning’ to some. But the thing is, every Autistic woman is different, just like every Autistic person is diverse, its not one size fits all. I also think the understanding of trait presentation was lacking, especially in medical services.

I remember the first time I went to my doctor, I told her I think I could be Autistic, and I could tell by her face that she didn’t believe me already. So, what did she do? She printed off a biased, probably outdated questionnaire from her computer and proceeded to ask me a set of questions. One of which is ‘do you have friends?’ to which I said yes, and that I did like to go out with said friends. And of course, that meant I couldn’t possibly be Autistic, because we all know Autistic people cannot possibly have friends. I came across as quite social, again like the typical autie woman.

Eventually I sought a different opinion, and I was referred straight away for an assessment. This was fantastic, the only downside? My assessment was completed using the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS), an outdated tool which lacks empirical sensitivity, it is biased and its methods do not reflect traits which are often displayed in women and girls. It’s a tool which follows stereotypical ‘male’ traits. However, I eventually did receive a diagnosis, after years of camouflaging and comments that ‘women can’t have autism’.

So many young girls are going both undiagnosed and misdiagnosed due to outdated tools, a lack of sensitivity and an absence of knowledge. Its about time that things change, we need a new perspective on Autism, but hey, I’m working on it!

[Image description: Vicky sat in her garden cross-legged holding a blue mug with both hands. She has short-ish light brown hair and is wearing a blue t-shirt, blue Christmassy trousers and white socks.]

1 Year On

It's been a year now since I was diagnosed autistic, and although I don't feel any different in myself as such, I know from feedback from other people that it really has changed my life in some aspects - all for the better. Since my first year as a diagnosed autie has now come to a close, and the end of not only 2019, but the 2010's, is fast approaching I wanted to have a look back at what my diagnosis means to me.

The main thing I wanted when I was going through the diagnostic assessment was closure, and I certainly got that straight away alongside validation that I'm not just awkward or an oddball. I'm me because I'm autistic, and I'm autistic because I'm me. For a few years before diagnosis it kept playing on my mind whether I was autistic or not, and the whole "am I/aren't I?" was really frustrating for me. Although I was self-diagnosed at the time I didn't feel like I could come out as autistic to people because I didn't think anyone would accept a self-diagnosis outside of the online autism community. It enabled me to open up both personally and professionally, which leads me onto the next benefit that I've gained from diagnosis...

It allowed me to get permanent adjustments made at work, whereas before I was diagnosed my adjustments were on a three-month revisionary basis, and even before that I had to spend months fighting for any adjustments at all. I won't go into details about what happened but my diagnosis helped me make my adjustments permanent. And with the intention of helping any readers who may be having similar struggles, it shouldn't get to the point where one of the reasons you're seeking a diagnosis is to provide evidence to your employer. In the UK the Equality Act 210 means that reasonable adjustments can and should be made even without a formal diagnosis. This is of course subject to criteria, but a quick Google search should help check if you meet them.

This blog is another thing that diagnosis has allowed me to do. It helps me advocate for autism by spreading awareness and acceptance. Admittedly I only have a small following so far compared to some of the advocates I look up to (look on YouTube at Neurodivergent Rebel, Yo Samdy Sam and Invisible I just to name a few), but I've had comments and feedback that show that I am helping and making a difference to people, and that's the whole point. It doesn't matter as such how many people I help through this blog (although obviously the more the merrier), just as long as it's helping somebody then it makes it all worthwhile. Without my diagnosis I probably wouldn't have started blogging back in March and it all comes back to the validation I got from it.

On a similar note, people have said that I've come right out of my shell ever since being diagnosed. I recently had my end of year one-to-one with my team leader at work and I was surprised at how positively she views my last 12 months. I personally don't see myself as any different but it's great to hear how pleased she is with my progress and how I'm joining in more with the team, putting ideas out there and so on. My wife has said the same thing about me coming out of my shell so it must be an all-around difference in me rather than just at work. At the end of the day it's about knowing who you are as a person and accepting that it's ok to be you. My diagnosis has definitely helped massively with that, and although I can't speak for everyone in terms of whether diagnosis is right for them, I would say that it can massively help when going through certain struggles. I also know diagnosis isn't possible/accessible to everybody, but if you do have the opportunity, my advice would absolutely be to give it some thought.

I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and I'll be back with the final post of the year the day after boxing day. Don't forget to subscribe with the button at the top of the page, and follow @DepictDave on Twitter. I'll leave you with a picture of my autism Christmas jumper that I designed myself and forgot to include earlier in the month.

[Image description: Me taking a selfie in the mirror wearing my autism Christmas jumper. The jumper is red and the design is a green Christmas tree with a bit of brown trunk showing at the bottom. The tree is decorated with randomly placed baubles in the shape of the infinity symbol. The baubles are in 3 different colours to represent autism; red, gold and rainbow. Across the middle of the tree is the hashtag #AutieAndNice in gold]